If you were a fly on the wall observing most dates, business conversations, or even large social gatherings, you’d see people taking turns speaking and listening. However, if you were a communication coach, you’d be observing something quite different – people taking turns speaking and then waiting for their turn to speak again.
Guess what? Listening and waiting for your chance to chime in are not the same thing!
Research shows that more than 35% of companies think listening is a top skill for business success. How many people think listening is a top skill for relationship success?
Does it matter how many -- or does it matter that your potential mate might?
Being an engaged listener isn’t a personality trait. Listening is a learnable skill set that gives us the opportunity to:
- Avoid making assumptions
- Delay the impulse to evaluate
- Demonstrate interest
- Understand the other person’s point of view
- Clarify issues and ideas
- Build a trusting relationship
- And ultimately, determine goodness of fit!
Listening takes practice – so get into listening skill training right away. Here are some tips for listening practice in your business and personal life:
- The next time your boss calls you into his or her office, resist the temptation to craft your responses while your boss is speaking. Ask clarifying questions instead to get more information that will lead to a more informed, relevant and focused answer from you.
- The next time your mom calls, don’t speak to her while you are also putting away the laundry, making sure the pasta doesn’t boil over, and sending Blackberry messages. Give her your full attention – and your conversation may be more fulfilling, enjoyable and even shorter!
- On your next date, rather than trying to impress your mate with your wit and intellect, demonstrate your attentiveness, responsiveness, and genuine interest by really listening. What a wonderful way to pave the path towards a possible lifetime of true connectedness and caring!
And do not fear – your turn to talk will still be waiting for you!
Next month:
Is it My Turn Yet? Part II
Deborah Grayson Riegel is the President of Elevated Training, Inc., a consulting company dedicated to helping clients identify and implement core behavior changes that lead to individual, interpersonal and organizational success. Deborah is highly regarded as a dynamic, creative and results-driven corporate trainer, executive coach, consultant and motivational speaker. Her unbeatable combination of training expertise and energetic presentation style has helped her develop, design and deliver countless presentations, programs and workshops that get participants excited, inspired and feel compelled to perform at a superior level.
Deborah’s clients span the industries from financial services, health care and advertising to law, government and non-profits. Deborah has trained and spoken to audiences in Europe, Asia and North America.
Deborah is a faculty practitioner for the American Management Association and is a conference speaker for the American Society of Training and Development. Deborah was awarded membership into the National Speakers Association, and is a member of the International Association of Facilitators.
While earning her Bachelor’s Degree from the University of Michigan - Ann Arbor, and her Master’s Degree from Columbia University, Deborah toured the United States in an improvisational comedy troupe and has made several television appearances.
For more information, visit www.elevatedtraining.com or email Deborah at info@elevatedtraining.com.
Are you speed dating your way through potential matches?
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